Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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