Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my poor anus
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
