I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
