and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
