Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone came in the potted fern
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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