smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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