And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
