gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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