girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize