sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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