Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
