this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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