I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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