I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
