Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
