That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
