everyone is single if you try hard enough
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
