i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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