I wish I could teleport
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
