You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
