I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
