I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
