Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
