The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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