i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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