Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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