Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize