I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
