LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
two words: eviction party
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
