garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
