Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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