Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
