i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
