If that was your dad, he is hot
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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