I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
