but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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