Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
