i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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