I'm drive I can fine osifer
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
