Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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