I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Congratulations! We have a period
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