I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Couch. On fire.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
