so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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