i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize