tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
