Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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