I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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