I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm always down for nudity.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
