So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
