i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
