loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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