im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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