Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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