This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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