Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize