hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it because I queefed?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
