Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
