remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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