Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
