i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize