No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You ruined the universe
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
