I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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