Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
