you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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