i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
