i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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