I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
