Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think i have herpe
just one?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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