Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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